I heard the music from the speakers banging my eardrums, almost making me deaf.
I saw the furious look in the eyes of the dancers.
I felt the ground shaking almost like an earthquake but directed to me.
I wondered why people get so intense when it comes to dancing?
Kia ora, I'm Ruby-Rhain from Matawai School!
ReplyDeleteI loved the way that you added some nice adjectives to make it stand out. I also liked how you wrote the third sentence. It made it stand out a lot.
I guess next time you could have some snappy sentences to make it more intriguing for the reader. Are you interested in this type of writing?
Thank you for reading my comment!
From Ruby-Rhain
Hi Ruby thanks for the tips I try my best to add those to my future writing.
DeleteYes I would like to try do snappy writing I'll give it my best try.
Thank you for commenting on my post